What’s Past the Horizon?

Six weeks into this new life, Sir and I were visiting family in North Carolina (same trip where I wrote this). On the day he joined me in town, I felt like a puppy seeing his owner. All the tension of the work week vanished and I felt so at peace again just to be with him. Going to bed that night, I think we both expected him to use me and we’d crash. Instead, we just talked. And talked. And talked.

Communication has always been a strong point of our relationship, but ever since things changed we’ve managed to talk even more. Because it really is like we’ve met each other all over again. I told him how I wanted to lose myself in service to him—surprisingly I’ve had some fits and starts in embracing my submission. I want him to have all of me: mind, body, and will. I believed in him, he is like my god and I’m utterly devoted to him. He, in turn, continued to express how much he loved me and how marveled he was that he was both finding this dormant but deeply dominant part of himself, and that he was finally seeing the whole of me for the first time.

At one point, he was on top of me, and just staring down at me, his cock slick with my spit and just holding me down with nothing but the pressure of his body. I looked up into his face, and I saw a different man.

My husband was kind and silly and sweet and baby faced. This man, while still kind, was firm. Still silly and fun, but resolute. Throughout our 10 years my mental image of him was the little soft slightly naive baby face that I fell in love with. But suddenly, I was looking into the hardened, older face of not just my husband, but my master. It was the strangest sensation and realization. I almost didn’t know who he was, it was like a whole new man was in bed with me, who knows me so well but one whom I barely recognize. It was beautiful. And it was the moment I knew this was real and not a game, and that my devotion was well placed.

Things change. Rule of life and all that shit. But sometimes, things change quickly. When you accept and embrace who you are, it’s like dominos falling one after the other in mesmerizing automation. For Sir and I, every preconceived notion of who we are as men and as a couple has been challenged. And for Sir, every notion of what is interesting or what is a limit is being challenged too.

When we first started, he said to me, “I don’t see me being dominant in general, or with others, but with you, it was really fucking hot.” Not long after that, we were shopping for and designing a day collar for 24/7 service.

In the past when I played or traveled to see other Doms, he was uncomfortable with chastity devices and wouldn’t allow me to wear one over night. Before our trip to Raleigh I woke up to him jacking off and he said to me, “You know what I was thinking about? I was thinking about putting you in chastity.”  A new more comfortable long-term device is now high on our shopping list.

He was always skittish to be flirty or sexy in public. Something like making out in a movie theatre was verboten. He has since fucked me in our backyard and the other week at a movie, he was reaching around me and put his hands down my pants—with people sitting immediately on either side of us.

He was never much for pain, but he is becoming quite the sadist.

Sounding was not only off limits, but it skeeved him out. The other day he jacked off to some sounding porn, and it might be in my future.

If humans do not grow, they waste away. Stasis is not possible. Limits are acceptable, but facing them and pushing beyond them can reap returns hand over fist. My own limits are pretty high; I have high threshold for pain and service and rules and submission. The day-to-day “business me” has a strong command-and-control self-identity.

But like I told Sir the other day, I want to be broken and reshaped. I want Rook to continue taking over my mindset. I want to find the mental, emotional, and physical limits and I want to submit to such a point that he can push mmaxresdefaulte beyond the horizon and I can experience the bliss that lies beyond. Like in Star Trek The Motion Picture when they enter the wormhole for the first time without knowing what’s beyond, I want to push past the grayscale life I life and emerge into what I believe is a world of light and color.

I want to walk up to the edge, and jump, and trust my master will be there to catch me and rebuild me.

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