Changes Part 2: Hello Colorado

So more big changes: my husband and I finally made the move from NYC to Colorado. We’ve been here about three weeks now … and we already love it.

We were in New York for about six years. New York is a great city; very diverse, very active, plenty to do … you never have to leave! There are a ton of people there; there’s something for everyone and everyone is there to find it. There are sex clubs and gay bars, kinksters and gay geeks and socially conscious hipsters. It’s a great place to live … for a while.

But we weren’t happy there, either. Yes, New York has an allure, it’s a sexy place full of great eye candy. But the thing about allure is that it wears off, and that applies to cities and people. But in most places when the allure wears off you’re often left with a comfortable peace and familiarity. In New York, though, when the allure wears off, that means it’s time to rush off and find something new and shiny all over again. Building and maintaining relationships was almost impossible for us. If you were more than a stone’s throw from your friends, you would never see them. My husband and I made a habit of living in interesting places – like Roosevelt Island or a quicky apartment on the upper east side. Our home was always open and we were always happy to trudge out to other boroughs to see our friends, but out of sight and out of mind in New York, and most of the time our friends forgot we were there.

Socially it was tough. We got burnt out on getting hurt by the people we’d know for years. We wanted real, lasting relationships with friends. We wanted to be where people could generally be assumed to be nice, and the assholes were the outliers who should be shunned, not normalized. The difference between life in NY and almost anywhere I traveled was amazing; even the Starbucks employees in Austin, Texas or Nashville or Denver were heads and tails nicer than in New York, so much so I wondered if I was being swindled. (Jaded much?)

But what of the kink community? Surely a place like NY is the place to go for kinksters. Possibly. There is the New York Bondage Club for gays.  But in actuality, NY is not the center of the kink community. Chicago, Seattle, Portland, San Fran  are all kinkier towns than NY. I never had a session with a New Yorker – all of mine were with people outside the city. New York is a also a highly sexualized and highly selfish city; it’s all about what you can do for me to get me off. Relationships are hard to form. Even our own friends – some of whom we had three, four, and five-ways with – were more about sexualized encounters than just hanging out and talking. You were either someone a person could see themselves having sex with, or you weren’t. In one case, a friend of ours says to my husband, completely out of the blue, “I don’t mean to be mean, but [Rook] isn’t really my type.” Roger that.

So you know what, NY got old. We got tired and worn down and were unhappy. And so far, no one misses us, and we don’t miss the town. In Colorado – in just three weeks – we’ve seen people be more friendly, I’ve had nice “hello” chats with kinksters, the community here seems open and friendly and I can actually see myself getting involved in it.

Not to mention the mountains! I can’t wait to go hiking, skiing, camping, backpacking … I might even go rock climbing again. All these things I love to do but were actually so hard to do back in NY. The weather is absolutely beautiful. We live right next to open fields where we can go playing with our dog. People are nicer. The prices are cheaper (our rent is half as much … for a bigger, roach-free place!).

But mainly, I’m happy. I have hope again to become the person, kinkster, husband, boy, and friend that I envision myself to be(come). We feel like we’re home for the first time in years. And we can’t wait for what Colorado has to offer.

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