Boy Becoming

In every block of marble I see a statue as plain as though it stood before me, shaped and perfect in attitude and action. I have only to hew away at the rough walls that imprison the lovely apparition to reveal it to the other eyes as mine see it. 
— Michelangelo

They say that if a shark stops swimming it’ll die. I say that if a person isn’t constantly improving himself, or working toward the next phase of his becoming (whatever that is), he might as well die.

The problem is, going through transitionary periods, from one chapter in life to another, can really suck. That’s especially true if it’s a long period, or if things happen along the way that throw one off course or are otherwise discouraging. I’m learning that the key is to recognize your transition, embrace it, and continuing to press forward toward the goal.

This past weekend my husband and I hung out with some new friends. It was the first time we’d seen their house … and it was amazing. Big, beautiful, perfectly designed … our friends have life together in a way I didn’t even imagine. They’re successful, they’re established, well off, with good jobs, 2 kids, a dog and a yard. We were impressed, genuinely happy for them, but for the next couple of days we were hit with these feelings of jealousy that we really couldn’t explain. It wasn’t so much that we actually coveted their things (though maybe their house), but that we envision our lives being pulled together in just such a way and we recognized we aren’t there yet.

We have a picture of our life as we want it, and we have a ways to go. Our jealousy was rooted in the desire to make ourselves what we envision – my husband the writer, me the business owner. The experience was a jolt, a kick in the pants, to stay focused and continue our journey of becoming.

The story goes that when Michelangelo completed his David sculpture, he wasn’t asked how he could make something so beautiful out of a slab of simple marble. His response was basically that he studied the slab, saw where the statue would be, and simply chipped away at all that wasn’t David.

These days, this year especially, I feel like a half-exposed David still stuck in a slab of marble. The next me, the new me, the next chapter of my life is taking shape and forming. I’m chipping away at what isn’t me. In some ways literally – through my fitness endeavors – and in other ways I’m forming the life and lifestyle I want in terms of my business, work, sex and social life. It just takes time. David took four years to emerge from his marble.

Yeah I was jealous of my friends’ stability; just as I am often jealous of other kinksters’ ability to own and thrive in their leathers and ropes. But I remind myself, and try to focus on, the fact that I’m a boy becoming, I’m in transition, I’m on the move, and I’m working toward what and who I want to be. And as long as I’m working toward that goal, then I’m not dying.

Comment (1)

  1. […] mentioned before that I believe a man, and especially a boy, must continually work to improve himself and grow. Over the last couple of years, my two key areas of growth have been in my submission (however slow […]

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